I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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