when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize