no, he came in my armpit
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Holy sore nipples Batman
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
