I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
