i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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