That's intense
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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