cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
