Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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