so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
