I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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