Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
