True but thats because hes a fetus.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
