Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
