I accidentally had phone sex last night
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you traded sex for a burrito?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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