had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
