There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
