You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
His nipple licking is glorious
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