Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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