I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
