Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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