listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I think your dad took our porno
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
