maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize