Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
