Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
