So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
