for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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