i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
