At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
