I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
