i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
