So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
