I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My dick has a subreddit
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
