please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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