when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
