Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
