We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
