You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
