Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize