Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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