So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
