I got chris browned last night
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
