Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
