i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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