I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
