like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
