my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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