new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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