my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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