dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
