he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
