i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
