Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Randomize
