dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
