your room smells of hookers.
And success
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We need to rekindle our bromance
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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