paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize