Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
