even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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