can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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