we have pet lesbian snakes
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
