he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
