he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
