I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
