I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
