I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I cut my penus on the lid.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
How external is "for external use only"?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
