I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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