doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Terrible idea I love it
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
