I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
