Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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