She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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