Sponge bath it is.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
