I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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