This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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