I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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