i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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