I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
