Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
