Are we in a gay sports bar?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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